Rakuen
by BlueRain
Summary: this is a WxM fic from Milly's POV in ep 23...lots of spoilers...rated for brief lemons


Rakuen   
  
  
Milly's side hurt so bad she couldn't even move. How she longed to be rid of this pain. This terrible wrench in her heart that would not go away. She was afraid it would never go away. To cry for endless hours every night, to dream of him in her sleep. It was just too much to bear.   
  
  
"Please take care of Meryl and Vash when I'm gone. Especially yourself Milly."  
She knew she couldn't go back on her word. She could try to be strong, for him at least. She pulled out an old dusty journal where she occasionally writes her thoughts down on. Maybe it would help her feel better. She proceeded to write.  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
  
My hand can barely write. I'm shaking too bad to steady my hands. In one day I have experienced the pleasures of Heaven and the tortures of Hell.   
  
  
* * *  
  
  
She paused for a moment to calm herself. Thinking of it just brought her more pain. She stood up and went to grab a cup of coffee. Ahh...the most perfect thing in the world to settle her nerves. Coffee...that's what it all started with...Coffee...  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
He was terribly upset, and for the life of me I could not figure out why. The fidgety manner and the dartness in his eyes told me that something was about to happen. I made him a cup of coffee to calm him down, but I could tell that was not what he was interested in. Then, this peaceful look came over him and he looked at me in a way that he never had before. I took a step back, not knowing what to expect.   
  
  
His eyes glowed so softly as he stood up, not even realizing the cup of coffee he had spilled on the floor. His eyes saw only me. My heart fluttered faster and faster as he got closer and closer to me. He got up real close to me and whispered softly in my ear, "Milly, could you ever make love to a tired old priest, such as me?"  
  
  
The question totally caught me off guard. What else could I reply to such a question but "Yes"?   
  
  
He smiled. But this smile was unlike any I had ever seen before. Usually his smiles were pleasant, but there was always a sadness; a tint of some forgotten past, not quite so forgotten. This smile was soft and warm. I couldn't help but be drawn to it. "Oh Nick..." My voice trailed off as his lips met mine. The warm, electrifying energy passed between our mouths. The kiss went deeper. All I could feel was a burning passion as he slowly slipped off my clothes.   
  
  
All the while, he had this look of nothing but complete love for me in his eyes. Even when his soul entered mine, all I could feel was love. His skin on mine, the completeness. It was as if for one instant in time, our souls met and became one. I wish I could still feel him inside me. My first, and my last. I will never love anyone else but him.  
  
  
Then, we fell asleep, our bodies entangled so intricately, I think not even a magician could separate our hearts.  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
During the middle of the night I happened to wake up feeling a slight chill on my back. I turned over to find Nick, but he wasn't there. I sat up and saw him sitting in a nearby chair, just watching me.  
  
  
"Why are you looking at me?" I questioned.  
  
  
He looked at me a long while before replying in the softness tone I have ever heard, "I have never met a woman like you before. You remind me of all the things I wish I could have done right in my life. I wish I were like you. So young, so naive. God. You're so beautiful."  
  
  
Beautiful? Woman? These adjectives were strange words to describe someone such as me. Me who was the youngest of 13 bothers and sisters.   
  
  
He ran his course, rough fingers through my hair so slowly, but then the look of sadness entered back into his face, gnawing at his soul like a hungry beetle.  
  
  
"Nick, please tell me what's bothering you. I want to help."  
  
  
He stopped short. His eyes flicked back and forth as if he were looking for something. He went over to find his shirt in the heap of clothes on the floor. Out of the inside breast pocket he pulled out a cigarette and some matches, and proceeded to light it. He puffed it, letting the gray clouds of smoke disappear into thin air.  
  
  
"Oh God. Why did I do this to you?"  
  
  
I was confused. "Don't you love me, Nick?"  
  
  
"Oh God Milly. No, no, it's not that at all...it's...damn!"  
  
  
He turned his back to me to stare out the window into the cold desert night sky. His eyes trailed up to the blood red moon with the scar on it. He sighed. I went over to him and put my hand on his shoulder in hopes to comfort him.  
  
  
He turned and put his arms around me as he pulled me closer to his warm, bare chest. He looked into my eyes so tenderly I thought my heart would shatter into a million pieces.  
  
  
"Milly," he slowly began, "tomorrow...tomorrow I...won't be here..."  
  
My heart stopped dead. "What do you mean by that?"  
  
  
Nick sighed as he looked me full in the face. "Milly, do you ever get that feeling in your stomach like you KNOW something's going to happen, and later, it does? Well...I just know that I won't be here tomorrow."  
  
  
I was completely confused at this point. "Well...when are you comming back?"  
  
  
He smiled a sad, lovely smile. He shook his head. "Oh Milly, you're still so naive. I envy you at times." He couldn't look at me, he only sat down on the windowsill with a tear running down his cheek. The moonlight reflected off of it, giving his face an eerie glow. He looked over at me and gave me a sheepish smile. "I guess you've never seen me cry before. I can't even remember the last time I cried myself. It's only, that a girl like you comes around once every century, and I'll miss you."  
  
  
Miss me? He makes it seem like he'll be gone forever. Then it hit me like a lightning bolt straight through my heart. I clutched the windowsill in a death grip to try to regain my composure. The room was spinning...which way was up?  
  
  
"Milly, please...I know it will be hard, and there will be some times where you just want to say 'Fuck the world,' but you can't. You can't let it get to you. You have to be strong. You have to be, for Meryl and Vash. You know how much they love you."  
  
  
His words sunk like lead into my soul. The one man, my first, my last, gone. I began to cry. I didn't know what else to do. He put his arms around me and held me while I cried.  
  
  
"Shhh...it's ok. You know, Milly, sometimes I don't practice what I preach, but this time, I believe. I believe that I will see you again. I don't know if there's such a place as Rakuen, but I can guarantee that we'll meet again someday...somewhere..."  
  
  
I looked deeply into his eyes and immediately I felt comfort. I knew that what he said was true, and I knew I would never love another.   
  
  
"...but until then, we have today."  
  
  
He bushed my hair tenderly and traced the outline of my face with his fingertips. I never felt so much love as when he entered me that second time.   
  
  
* * *  
  
  
I woke just as the sunlight began to peak into the window. He was still there, lying next to me, as if nothing would ever change and he would remain in my bed forever. I stroked his buff hairy chest until he woke up. I smiled at him.  
  
  
"Ohayo, Nick."  
  
  
"Ah!! Ohayo my dear honey! And what is for breakfast today?"  
  
  
"Eggs and toast!"  
  
  
"Sounds good to me!!"  
  
  
I made him a cup of coffee. This time he didn't spill it. He drank it down with great enthusiasm, ready for the day.  
  
  
"Milly?"  
  
  
"Yes, Nick?"  
  
  
"I wanted to say, I Love You."  
  
  
My heart shattered.   
  
  
"Never forget me Milly, never."  
  
  
With that, he adorned on his priestly outfit and his cross. He headed out the door, giving me one long glance, a picture that will sit in my mind for all eternity. "What you've made for me, I'll make for you."   
  
  
I was puzzled by this statement, but Nicolas D. Wolfwood headed out to meet his adversary.  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
I don't remember much after that. Everything turned into a blur and a sob. I remember Mr. Vash comming in and saying something about finding Nick dead in a church. I'm glad it was a church. I'm sure that's the way he would have wanted it.  
  
  
Well Diary, thanks for listening. I'm surprised I wrote as much as I did. Maybe I'll write some more later. Ja ne.  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
Milly stood up and stretched. Her hand was cramped from writing so long, but at least her sides didn't ache anymore. Writing things down always helped her deal with her emotions. She looked over at the cross in the corner.  
  
  
Mr. Vash should take this. I know Nick would want him to have it.  
  
  
Meryl came in, interrupting her thoughts.   
  
  
"Oh Milly, please try to get some rest. You've been crying for two days straight, and you haven't eaten anything! I know it's hard, but I'm here for you." Meryl looked down at her friend with concern in her eyes.  
  
  
Milly looked up with confusion and sadness in her eyes. And in a tone she never used before she said, "You don't even know what I'm going through Meryl! Just...go away!"  
  
  
Meryl stood dumbstruck as Milly ran into the bedroom refreshing her tears anew. It was awhile before Milly even realized there was a steaming cup of coffee on her bed. Curious as to put it there, she got a little closer. Next to the coffee was a small slip of paper that read: "Rakuen."  
  
  
Milly looked up to the ceiling. Maybe there was a God, she thought. Maybe one day they would really meet again...in Paradise.  



End file.
